


Love Wide Open

by AwayLaughing



Series: All The Days That Have Passed [25]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Arguing, Drama, Fights, M/M, To Be Continued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 04:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2838089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwayLaughing/pseuds/AwayLaughing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neji and Shikamaru have a hard discussion, and Neji a hard decision to make.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“There are full time ANBU who've been there almost ten years,” Neji said. His last captain had been one. Shikamaru's glare lacked it's usual sharpness.</i><br/><i>“And they're alone, Neji. What the fuck does that tell you?”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Wide Open

**Author's Note:**

> I fail at fluff. Or pure fluff, anyway. But worry not! It'll be OKAY I promise.
> 
>  
> 
> [Day 25 - Brutal Honesty](http://awayandlaughing.tumblr.com/post/68217772129/30-day-otp-challenge-for-the-fluff-impaired)

Neji stepped into the kitchen and immediately knew something was wrong. There wasn't any one, particular thing about the scene that set him off, but the hairs on his neck still prickled. Shikamaru sat at the dinning room table, hands curled loosely around a steaming mug of tea and staring out the window. Usual enough, even if coffee was Shikamaru's preference half the time, but the air around him seemed heavier. Pensive.

 

“Tadaima,” he said, padding into the kitchen.

 

Shikamaru didn't answer right away, just dunked his tea bag.

 

“Shikamaru?”

 

“Okaeri,” he said. “Was your mission alright?”

 

Neji paused, sensing something in those words. “Well other than the hospital stay,” he said. “The nurses said you came by.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“But you didn't stay.”

 

Shikamaru just shook his head, finally taking a sip of his tea. Neji circled around to come face-to-face with him, trying to look Shikamaru in the eye. Shikamaru didn't meet him half way, just kept staring outside. He looked terrible, and Neji immediately tried to call up what Shikamaru's last mission had been. Something in Tani? No. Kiri. Shikamaru had grumbled about live octopi and _never again_.

 

Neji sat, completely unsure. Shikamaru finally looked at him, dark eyes exhausted enough to let what could only be worry shine through. The bruising under them was dark enough Neji had to guess he hadn't slept in at least three days. Something had happened, obviously, and Neji was, for some reason, locked out of the loop.

 

“Can you talk about it?” he asked finally. Shikamaru looked away, eyebrows drawing down and he busied himself with another sip of tea before he answered.

 

“It's not work related,” he said. “Or secret. Just private.”

 

Private, which either meant familial or, more likely given the way he could barely stand to look at Neji right now, about them. Neji sighed, nodding and stood to get his own cup of tea. Shikamaru didn't stop him or make any move to start the conversation, not even when Neji bypassed the quick and easy tea bags for the loose leaf Shikamaru didn't usually bother with. Scooping it into a strainer he poured the water over it, assuming it wasn't too cold and not really caring if it was.

 

This was a stalling technique and Shikamaru was letting him get away with it. Which wasn't unusual, given Shikamaru had to be the most conflict adverse shinobi on the planet, but this time it didn't bode well. Shikamaru didn't generally sit around looking like he wanted to cry.

 

Sitting back down, Neji studied Shikamaru. Rumbled clothing, fingers clutching so tightly at the mug his knuckles were white. Neji licked his lips, sipping his tea despite the fact the leaves had barely steeped.

 

“Shikamaru-”

 

“You can't keep doing this,” the other cut him off, voice firm. Neji stilled. “You can't.”

 

Neji closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “Is this because I ended up in hospital?” Neji asked, refocusing on Shikamaru. “We're both shinobi Shikamaru and this certainly isn't the first time either of us have been hurt and likely won't be last. It's hardly fair to single me out for-”

 

“No,” Shikamaru's voice was sharp and he finally looked up, a spark of something other than exhausted worry. Indigence, maybe. “Do not try and derail me by suggesting I'm over reacting, Hyūga,” definitely indigence. “I'm a fucking adult and I know what I and everyone else signed up for so don't,” he cut himself off this time, a deep breath stopping his voice from rising. “Don't do that, Neji. Seriously.”

 

“Do what? Show concern that maybe the realities of our shared jobs might be weighing on you?” he asked. Shikamaru's eyes narrowed and Neji knew he'd riled him enough there would be no dancing around the issue. Granted, this usually blew up in face spectacularly but it was better than weeks of Shikamaru running hot-and-cold while his genius brain made the problem a thousand times bigger than it had to be.

 

“You bastard,” Shikamaru said, “you know as much about my job as I do yours, though that's for a completely different reason,” Neji opened his mouth to argue but Shikamaru raised a hand. “Look Neji, I'm not attacking you or looking to argue so just listen.”

 

Neji closed his mouth and nodded, though the idea of being talked at did not appeal.

 

“You can't stay in ANBU,” the words were like a slap in the face even though Neji had known it was coming. Or suspected, at least. “It's killing you, Neji and I don't mean in the usual sense,” Neji shot him a cool look. “Yesterday at the hospital? You were a different person and you don't even remember me stopping by. I know agents have to compartmentalize but there comes a point where you either stop entirely, or you get lost.” He sent Neji a pleading look. “I can't watch that Neji, I can't.”

 

Neji took another sip of his tea.

 

“So my only option is to leave my job and the people depending on me?” Neji asked, latching on to that issue and not the others. Not because Shikamaru was wrong, exactly, but because it was easier. For now anyway. He'd get introspective once he'd had an actual good night's sleep.

 

Shikamaru just sighed, resting his head on his hands. “Yeah I guess so, Neji. You know most ANBU are only active for three years-”

 

“There are full time ANBU who've been there almost ten years,” Neji said. His last captain had been one. Shikamaru's glare lacked it's usual sharpness.

 

“And they're alone, Neji. What the fuck does that tell you?”

 

Neji didn't need to be a genius to figure that one out. “Are you saying leave ANBU or leave you?” he asked. His heart throbbed painfully at the thought, just as he himself balked at being given an ultimatum. Six years and Shikamaru was giving him an ultimatum like he was a child or an enemy nation?

 

Fuck that.

 

“No,” Shikamaru said, which cut Neji's mental tirade off rather neatly. “Can we have one hard conversation without you trying to establish one of us as the bad guy?”

 

Neji stood, anger still present if somewhat robbed of a basis. “Well what was I supposed to think, Shikamaru?”

 

“That I love you, maybe?” Shikamaru said, though he didn't stand. “That I care about you enough that what I'm actually saying is stop killing yourself.”

 

“Or you'll leave.”

 

“No,” quieter than the last time. “I don't plan on leaving you.”

 

“So you want to dictate my life and keep me in your bed while doing it?”

 

Shikamaru visibly flinched as if Neji had struck him, and Neji immediately regretted it. He regretted it more when Shikamaru responded.

 

“I don't plan on leaving,” Shikamaru, “but I can't ask you to stay when I know this is going to be hard for you. I can handle it though.”

 

Any response Neji might have had stuck in his throat. It was then strangled right out of him when Shikamaru turned, eyes dry but hands trembling and lip pulled beneath his teeth as if to stabilize it.

 

“Please Neji.”

 

Unsure of what to say or do, Neji turned on his heel and walked away.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> do not panic friends the direct sequel can be found in Day 26 and is the next one coming up (and is written). And the source of the title, just in case you were feeling happy IDK
> 
>   _It hurts to love wide open_  
>  _stretching the muscles that feel_  
>  _as if they are made of wet plaster,_  
>  _then of blunt knives, then_  
>  _of sharp knives._  
>  **To Love Without Holding** \- Marge Piercy


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